Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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