...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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