I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
