Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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