When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
try to milk me bitch
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