Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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