I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
