and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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