Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
