Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
