But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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