she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
