You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
