I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
