she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
