Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am available for nakedness
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
