He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found a bag of teeth...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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