i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
