A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
