fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
