Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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