it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
