We're like a lot better than the average bears
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
