I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
