believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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