If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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