on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
