Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When are your genitals available?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
