I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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