addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
