So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
