I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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