you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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