Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
