Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
