And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
