I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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