I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
