Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
