I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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