I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
