Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
