I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize