my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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