I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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