Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
