this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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