He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
