Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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