Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize