I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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