tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
