No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
