meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
