glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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