You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
