I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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