Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
