That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
