how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
