so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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