i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
as a side note pls kill me
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