ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my poor anus
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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