Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
