oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
