the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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