My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
