Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were trust falling into bushes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
