Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
