YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
