Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
