Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your penis caused this!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize