I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
