A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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