it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
