It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
