we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
