yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
