I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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