The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
