Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
