what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
