Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
