Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Michael Bay diarrhea
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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