all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
