why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
